Anorexic atheist suddenly believed in Jesus
She was a 100% atheist who didn’t believe in God nor in spirituality. She thought that believeing in such things was silly and basically she was just a strong believer in science. She admitted that she was not a good person by any means and by any standard. She was hateful, hurtful and miserable and very good at hiding it. She admitted of being fake to people. She thought that everybody who believe in God was just blind to logic or delusional or simply ignoring facts. Enjoyed trapping believers with her difficult questions until they can no longer continue with their arguments. She hated when people would talk about Jesus in particular. She felt bad for them for being so brainwashed and trapped into feeling so guilty about sinning. It didn’t make sense to her. She feels that religious people are wasting their life by trying to live in certain standards, and the rules supposedly God created just to go to a place after you die where you never die. Fast forward to 2017 when she started studying DNA and got fascinated about all the fundamentals of life and what created it all. She was completely in awe about what she was learning. For some reason having accepted that all the living material and all the complexities, having to accept that everything just formed on its own by itself on accident, it did not make sense to her. It bothered her because deep down she did not want to believe that something could have created humans. She had lots of questions that even her biology professor could not answer. She became obsessed and began listening to podcast, Youtube different scientist who would discuss about the origins of life, watch documentaries of different theories of evolution of life and multiple different theories of life. But all that did not answer her question, how did nothing result in intelligent life? How did an explosion result in living breathing, loving beings? That led her to think about an outside agent, something powerful but purposeful and personal. She thought, could God be real? Could that be a possibility? But still she did not want it to be true because she hated the idea. It was threatening to her lifestyle. Eventually she realized that she was being close-minded about the alternative which is God. So she started researching about creation theories involving God. She took up the world religion class and went from being a 100% atheist to considering that maybe there is God. After months of researching about her existence, she thought about God. Thinking to herself what if she reached-out to some external force from outer space or another dimension would her cry of desperation be heard? Would it give her some sort of a validation? Some sort of interdimensional sign that she can hold on to? She was desperate ato know and wanted the answer. So in her car, she said a prayer…
God, if you are real and you really exist, would you not want me to know you? Would you want me to wonder if you ever exist? Or you would want me to know you? …I don’t want to be disrespectful to you, but if you are there, I want you to give me a sign.
She felt embarrased and dumb after saying it but she had nothing to lose. Little did she know that for the next six months would be the most incredible yet extremely terrifying months of her life…
For four years she has been struggling with bulimia and anorexia. It controlled her entire life. She felt trapped in a violent cycle that she thought would never end, no matter how hard she tried. She just couldn’t break out of it. She told her story about being in the bathtub and throwing-up. She felt desperate, thingking to herself, how long will she keep doing the same thing. Will it ever stop? It was the first time she broke that way, just crying while the water was running feeling so enslaved by her addiction, by her disease. In the middle of this, without a pre-meditated thought thought, out of nowhere, and in her head, she said…
Jesus
She said it in her mind, in her most vulnerable and most desperate state. Within a second, she felt loved and this was what happened…